Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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