do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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