Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
