so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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