i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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