Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
