My friends, they love my intelligence
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
