Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Randomize
