careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
