YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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