If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
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Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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