break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
