Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
