so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
