I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
