she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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