I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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