dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
