he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
