I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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