I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
