I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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