Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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