no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
