you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
