nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
