I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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