Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
