You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
