you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
