Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
