i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize