Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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