even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
