I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
vagina is talking i cant
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
