He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
