I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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