you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
