please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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