check it out our google latitudes are spooning
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
