dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
