I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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