You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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