I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
