I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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