If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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