I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
