we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
