WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
