I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
