His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
