Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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