The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
