So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
