my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
