I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
