Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Randomize
