What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
