my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
