Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
