Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
