I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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