Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
