about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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