I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
