My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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