does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
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i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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