Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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