My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
