Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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