They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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