I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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