A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love having hate sex.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
