I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
