They should really pass out barf bags in church
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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