Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
