All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
