Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
