ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
