At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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