tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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