the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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