Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
