Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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