I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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