I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
