so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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