afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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