She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
