11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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