My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
