I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
