I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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