He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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